I think everyone has these episodes in your life that just seem to be wrenched from some postmodern contemporary novel (wooh, look at the big words!). Specifically cringesome chick-lit type moments, where you agree to something and then think "Why did I do that? Oh God, OHGOD, WHY?!"
Except in this case - no, it is not the wedding of a former best friend / school-time enemy / random better-off acquaintance (also probably from your days in some sort of education). Oh no - I agreed to go to Thorpe Park on August 4th for my school-time friend Katie's birthday (there, I told you, didn't I?!).
Why is this a big deal? I mean, we all DREAM of going to places like that and shakin' off the pretentiousness to live again as kiddies, right? Wrong. Firstly, I am only 18, so I don't need to be doing that just yet. Secondly, AAAAAAAAAAARGHWHY?!
OK, let me explain. There are ISSUES here. ISSUES. I am only too well acquainted with the glorious notions of self-sacrifice. I came from a culture that thrusts it at you (Indian), and I chose to drop it as though it were HOT and run like hell. Giving things up for your family is one thing. Enduring things for your friends is another. Seeing as how I'm pretty much in the s*** now, I think I'm fairly entitled to complain lots about it. This does take the piss somewhat, dammnit!
Attempting the vaguely numerical system again: firstly, I will be paying for an experience which I would avoid like the plague if it were FREE. I do not like Thorpe Park; I do not like theme parks. I admit that they are a genius rip-off, but good God are they childish and uninspired. And, anticipating anyone who tells me I'm pretentious and just scared, HELL YES, I shout out in response. Oh, YES am I pretentious, and yes I am scared (to a degree). I don't mind some rides; if people want to go on things that spin them round with all the support of a good bra, that's fine by me! I just don't think that having a minor cardiac infarction is necessary to improve my quality of life. I don't see the need to pay in order to nearly die of fear, you know? I can smell the roses just fine without it!
Secondly, I am feeling really disillusioned with all my friends. If you make sacrifices for your mates, you want to feel like they're really great and worth your time. I'm really feeling like I've outgrown all my sixth-form mates. They always want to do the same things, talk about the same things, and it just feels like utter tedium. I can't talk to them about music or films or books. I can't see them going to any gigs without complaining about the price. I'm pretty sure I'm the most politically left-wing of all of them too, which makes me nervous. It would make ANYONE nervous! Katie and Zaneta can really veer towards the right-wing sometimes, and Angela and Joanne are just like Yes-men types. Going along with everything, agreeing with them - it makes me uncomfortable.
I'm still not sure if I should go to Sophie's 80s karaoke party this Friday. Karaoke is not something I ache to spend the whole evening participating in, especially not with 80s music. Fucking hell, I wasn't even born till after half-way through, why should I care?! And SingStar is all very well and good, but everyone's psycho competitive tendencies come out, and then I feel like screaming. Yes, I've been to one of these parties before! I also end up getting stranded there because she doesn't exactly take into consideration that I don't have a car or anything. Is it wrong of me to want her to take things like that into consideration? Am I too nice? I don't do that to people. Then again, I don't invite people who dislike each other to the same party and expect them to get along just for me. Is that proactive and mature? Or is it arrogant and selfish? I really don't know. And Sophie's a good friend. It really sucks when you're struggling to see the good side of any of your friends.
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