Boring.

I've said it before, but something is wrong with me.

Like, right now. I am just sitting here, hot, unshowered and slightly fatigued. I feel sick. It is very possible that I have been before a screen for longer than I should've been.

My eyes just filled with tears. A few moments ago, I had a great urge to duck into the front room, where we usually have guests, and cry.

Delivering folded piles of clothes to appropriate rooms upstairs, I felt the - what? Grief? Pain? Anger? Some melange of the three? - come back. Earlier, I had had a sudden vision of slicing neatly into my arm with a blade of some sort. Would it make me feel more in control? I put the thought aside because I don't think we have any knives sharp enough to slice skin open like paper, and I'm NOT doing it with scissors.

Anyway, I was in my room and I just looked at the light 'fixture' (as I have learned to call it, in the American English parlance) and it would NOT be suitable for a hanging. I reflected on what on Earth I could hang myself with anyway - my scarves are probably too slippery. I don't think a belt would work (but maybe it would...?).

Now, I just feel tired and the thought of doing any theory test preparation is too much.