God, I have REALLY got to post on here more often! What with the increased fatigue and isolation, though, it often feels like way too much effort. My brother is currently doing coursework and his UCAS personal statement all the time anyway, which doesn't leave much room (or privacy) for typing up posts, now, does it? I could do what I have done before, and write out blog posts before putting them online. However, this has been roundly unsuccessful because:
a) About three of the five times I forced myself to try writing things down, I ended up getting bored and recording myself speaking my thoughts into my mobile phone instead. This has, ironically, just doubled my workload because now I have to listen to them again (while cringing both inwardly and outwardly at my voice prattling on) and 'transcribe' them into proper blog posts. So clearly, these are never going to see the light of day.
b) One of the five times (the first!), I wrote a bit, realised I was fed up with my increasingly self-aggrandising navel-gazing, and my fountain pen, and left it as a half page of gibble.
c) When I did finally manage to get one down, and actually enjoy the catharsis of scribbling away scathingly (about my siblings, quelle surprise!) , it spread over about 3 pages and I absolutely could not be arsed to type it up.
That's what it comes down to really - I'm just a fookin' lazy-arse. My constant exhaustion-through-lack-of-sleep and fraternal-monopolisation-of-the-PC are making it much worse. But yeah, I'm 'ere now, might as well get a world-class moan in. If anything gets left over, I'll be able to post it tomorrow (woohoo!) because I'm home alone.
1) I'm so, so tired. All the time. Sleep comes randomly and tends to be infrequent.
2) I'm so, so lonely. All the time. Friends' calls come randomly and tend to be infrequent.
3) I'm so, so bloated. All the time. Digestion fluctuates randomly and freedom of pot belly tends to be infrequent.
Just realised the nice little 'abc, 123' thing going on with my bullet points. That's great, I'll summon up The Jackson 5 next time I'm suffering at work due to all or any of the above and can't remember how to strict order things (I'm a librarian, for those of you who are left cold by the jargon. Not a real one though - I don't hand out reservations or papers to people, and I don't have an MA in Information, Something). The lovely rhythm will, however, have to be ruined, because Dewey tends to be rather prolific. Shame, dat. Then - THEN, this has just occurred to me (can ya tell?!) - I can mentally break out into that, er, song by The Go! Team which has the lyric "Two four six eight ten!"sung in a highly excitable manner. This, of course, will make me think nostalgically of kids playing 'jump-rope' (I am not an American) - or skipping, as we call it - and Hey Arnold!, and all my good work will have gone down the pan because I will be off into the heady land of Fatigue-Friendly Procrastination and word association.
Blimey, I surprise even myself. I know late-night is meant to be my inspired time, and these entries often take a turn for the unexpected, but that was (sur)really something. I have been unpleasantly hot and sweaty and prone to feel temperature changes a lot this week, along with the emotional erratica of last week. Somehow I don't think menopause will be that much of a surprise when it comes... Anyway, I appear to have broken the cycle of PMT at last, so hopefully now the excessive tiredness (y'know, feeling like you're going die after lunch at work around 2 in the afternoon) and excessive perspiration (y'know, feeling like you're going to die bathed in your own fluids, or have people not-so-subtly trying to avoid you subtly). My main gripe of this week is I'm just so TIRED. Even when I sleep with time to spare, it never quite seems to be enough, and I always wake up, whether it's because I've nearly fallen off the bed or banged my elbow (been sleeping upside-down recently. Don't ask... I'll explain tomorrow). My eyes feel worn out and periodicity (hah) is making it at least five times worse. Being on the PC as much as I have been hasn't helped either. Since I'm getting really isolated and have no life, I find myself just chatting to Colin and whoever else I feel isn't too much on MSN. It seems to be A Time For Leos - I'm getting on well with him and Saki's little brother. I've realised I don't have to make too much effort with either of them. It's a good feeling. Especially right now.
Well more tomorrow, I feel like falling unwashed and unbrushed into bed. I should've on arrival, really, to set my sleeping pattern - but ack VELL, ACK VELL!
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